Marriage & Dating Advice around the #KonnectKouch

Am I marriage counsellor?
No. Hehe.

The Konnect Kouch is a version of hot seat in Konnect Groups for its members (run by the GhanaThink Foundation. We normally ask a lot of questions to the kouchee, some are quite personal. I have leveraged some Q&A from being on the #GhanaThink & then #SunyaniKonnect kouches to talk about some thoughts I have about dating, marriage, etc. 

Mildred Adeaba is the Barcamp Accra Resources Lead. I first got to know her through Barcamp Takoradi. She has become #ModeratorMildred. She asked the 2.33 million cedi question on Konnect Kouches: Are you single, dating or married? If you are dating or married, how did you meet your partner? What do you look for in a partner to date?

Here's what I typed.

I'm married to Tracy Ulzen-Appiah (nee Asare). We got married on my birthday, December 31, 2016. I met her on July 24, 2009 through my cousin Jamie somewhere in Maryland (aka Maryland). Not Virginia o (Virgin land) 

I look for someone who is beautiful, bodacious, smart, is also interested in me, hard working, can take care of a home, we can vibe, cares about Ghana, etc.

Mildred Adeaba responded: Yieyiee!! Taken note keenly! I need to ask my cousins to introduce me to their friends. 

Mildred Adeaba: Tell us the best advice you've ever received.

"Hmmm, this is a tough one. The first one that comes to mind is from my immediate mentor and GhanaThink co-founder. It's about marriage. 

#ModeratorMildred: Solid Advice!

 hehehe. I can be a marriage counselor. Ask @⁨Herbert Acheampong⁩

Mildred Adeaba: Chairman papapaa!!

I was so surprised when Herbert asked me to be the chairman at his wedding in June 2024 after the confirmed chairman was not around. No, I did not use that opportunity to play marriage counsellor. But this reminds me of seeing my mother at multiple weddings cutting the wedding cake and sharing this advice. Cakes have some sweet parts and some sour parts. That is how marriage is. It is like sweet and sour chicken. Okay, no, my mum doesn't say that. Marriage has ups and downs. The couple must work on these situations, etc. 

Marriage is a life-long journey. It's full of ups and downs, and lots of disagreements and arguments. If you don't find a way to resolve those before you get married, your marriage would lack a lot of happiness and joy for yourself and you both.

When you're dating someone, intentionally do something to make them angry and see how the situation is handled and how it goes. If it doesn't go very well, you probably don't want to marry that person

Person 1: What if the person doesn't get angry no matter what you do

Person 2: Then you didn't set the trap well .

Ato Ulzen-Appiah: Then that person would be a really great partner for marriage 

Person 2: People can fake ohhh 

@MightyAfrican: That's also true. Disagreements would also happen even if your personalities are the same.

Person 4: This can be tricky, sometimes in your quest to put someone to the test you might end up loosing them. I think there should be a limit to this

#MightyAfrican: Sure, you can handle how you limit it. But marriage is not only about love. In fact, love wanes in many cases.

Person 4: They might be pretending oo, marry them and see Fights are necessary, like @⁨Ato Ulzen-Appiah⁩ mentioned, how you handle it counts!

My first girlfriend - Phelele - was from Swaziland aka Eswatini. We very very very much alike. But we still had major disagreements. 

Person 2: Why did it take you over 5 years to Marry Tracy and when did you know she's the one?

I don't think it's advisable to decide to marry someone you've not dated for more than a year. You need enough time to study someone, get to know their family and friends, and go through some good times together, bad times as I also described. I knew she was the one when she came to Ghana once and wanted to spend a lot of time with me. This was in 2012.

Person 3: Marry someone you can joke and play with. It will never be a dull moment for both of you.

Mildred Adeaba: Based on your experience,  how long should one date or discuss serious commitment issues with their partner without wasting the other person's time.

Erm, I think maybe at least 6 months- 1 year into knowing someone, you can start discussing marriage. Cos after you decide to get married, you need to prepare - financially, counselling wise, etc.

Person 1: Have you ever dated someone you didn't  love?

If you mean dating as having sex, yes, plenty. This was after I gave up on pre-marital sex. Why? Are you shocked?

Person 5: 1. How many kids do you want to have? 2. Do you agree with parents who chose careers for their kids in order to succeed them?

We have 2 boys (4 years old and 7 months). My wife and I have agreed that we're done.

Nah, I don't think parents should make their kids choose careers to succeed them. 

But if they have great businesses, they should train their kids to be able to take over if they want to.

Person 6: Meaning you dated her for about 5yrs;  so how did you manage your relationship for that whole period as it is not easy to trust ?  How did you let her believe your dreams as it is not easy to let a lady believe you these days? Thanks.

Thanks? Hehehe. I said that's when I got to know her. We dated for about 2.33 years before we finally married. Ato Ulzen-Appiah: She saw me working on my dreams. If she didn't like them, she'd have not dated me.

Person 6: My last questions, 1. how do you manage money or finances in marriage? 2. My boss once told me, " we don't do business with feelings" and I asked him for the meaning but he said nothing afterwards..  What is he trying to tell me since you are a business man?

By working with budgets, allowing for some lifestyle expenditure based on what the marriage partners earn, saving and investing some of the money. I'm definitely a stingy person, especially because of the importance of saving and investing.

Wait, you also have questions? Ask them in the comments. I might share some more apo via @MightyAfrican