Thursday, June 4, 2009

South African movie Jerusalema - Memorable quotes

Most classic movies have great and memorable quotes. I have always had an issue with the "Kumasi" or "Agya Koo" type movies coming out of Ghana. I feel the language and dialogue in Ghanaian non-English movies is great and should be communicated adequately for people to appreciate the movies. The subtitles are terrible and don't carry the weight of the language's beauty. South Africa's Jerusalema has earned rave reviews but one of the greatest things about the film is the dialogue in my opinion. The quotes are so great that I saved a few to share with you all. (If you missed my earlier blog on issues arising from Jerusalema, read here.

If you are going to steal, steal big and hope like hell, you get away with it. All property is theft
I can't say I agree with the statement above but all property is theft? What a bold statement!

Why is it that pretty girls always have big brothers?
Has anyone experienced this too? I'll like to be the big brother to some pretty girls. Awesome.

Boy: When did you get out of the bush, gorilla?
Exiled returnee: It's not gorilla, guerilla.

What is the difference between guerilla and gorilla anyway? They both hang out in the bushes.

Hijack is a dirty word, it's called 'affirmative repossession'.
This may be my favorite line in the movie. What a beautiful way to sugarcoat language?

God helps those who help themselves. And God help us, if you don't.

Every man for himself, and the wealth of the nation for the rest of us
Erm, I don't know if I agree about this one. Every man must help the other too. Ubuntu abi?

Lucky, if you're looking for guidance, the Bible is the book to read
Nice reminder here. Now to find the best way to search the Bible for guidance is the enigma.

I've got a wife, three kids, .... and a girlfriend
When you are threatened with your life, you will say the truth. This statement resonates with and applies to many married African men.

A car is like your girlfriend, you have to understand her.
And treat her well. Or else....

In the New South Africa, everyone deserves their entitlement, preferably in this lifetime.
Everyone deserves the most everyone can get when they are alive. See the way we celebrate death in Ghana with expensive funerals. Here's a song for you - Dabi da by Reggie Rockstone

What are you gonna eat? books?
It's really hard to go to school and not have money. You must work part-time and save money for school because once you are there, you may have to eat your books.

You can't quit from crime. Crime is the biggest growth industry in the country.
Erm, crime really isn't the biggest growing industry in Mzansi, right? Right. Private security is.

AIDS is the work of the devil. Someone shouts Hallelujah. The condom is the devil's instrument
A pastor said this. The age-old religious debate about HIV-AIDS. More controversial statements followed this one in the movie that I cannot share. Go watch the film.

Johannesburg, a city fathered by gold, mothered by money, then commandeered by white men with cruelty and greed
Jozi people and Jo'burg visitors, agree?

But if I was going to graduate with this shit-hole into my beach house, it will take a gun in one hand, a briefcase in the other, and my best shit-eating queen.
Enuff said. And a smile too.

Lucky: This is how the other half live.
Zakes: The other man's grass is definitely greener.
Lucky: Yeah, that's because he's got more shit on it.

Next time you hear talk about green grass or the grass being greener on the other side, remember it's only as green as the amount of shit it has on it. :-P

And all that time we are collecting rent? Hallelujah, my brother.
It's funny how Hallelujah can be used in cases that don't even glorify the Lord. Where else in the world do people say "Halleluyah, my brother"?

This is the only country where we have to take shit in 11 official languages
Hehehe. Isn't this statement hilarious?

Lucky: What's it with you white people?
You have nice houses, smart cars, fancy clothes, and you still come here, why?
White lady: I guess when you're rich, poverty seems glamorous, it's got a certain charm.

Got a certain charm? Is this reasoning the same thing that makes me feel I'd have wanted to grow in a village growing up?

White cop: And I suppose no one saw anything? Black cop: Well, welcome to Hillbrow.
Snitching is out of coverage area over here.

Lucky: Look what I've brought you.
Kid: What's that?
Lucky: A rugby ball!
Kid: A rugby ball, I am not a whitey! I play soccer
Lucky: You play soccer?
Listen here, this is the new South Africa
How about a little multiculturalism?
Don't be so backwards

Of course Lucky only thought to buy his young relatives a rugby ball after he started dating a white woman. F that. Soccer is the ish and its lovers don't do multiculturalism. Signed, a lover of the beautiful game.

Swart: Lucky Kunene
Lucky: Who are you? (Lucky gets a slap)
Swart: Tell me what do you do for a living, Mr Kunene?
Lucky: I drive a taxi (Slap)
Swart: Business must be good, eh?
Lucky: People need transport (Slap)
Swart: Tell me, do all your passengers pay with 100 rand notes?
Lucky: Buy yourself a cold drink, (Slap) Jesus!
Swart: You leave Jesus Christ out of this
My name is Blacky Swart and I will be your reckoning from now on
You see, Mr Kunene, we know who you are
We know what you are doing, we know where to find you
So your days are numbered, Mr Kunene.

"I shall be your reckoning from now on". You have to see this scene.

Lady: Hillbrow is the crime capital of the world
Lucky: It's just a place where poor black people come to make a living
Lady: Don't play the race card on me
Lucky: Old habits die hard

Just because. It's memorable.

Lady: I am a nutritionist, I teach people how to eat properly
Lucky: What kind of people don't know how to eat?

Ask her again, Laaaki. Of course, Africans know how to eat. Especially South Africans, who love meat like fat kids love cake.

Guy: That was over too quickly. Lady: I've got all night.
I want to re-enact this scene in real life soon.

Nazareth: Lucky, he's clever.
Lucky: A clever is a person who doesn't use drugs. A clever is a person who sells drugs to you and drugs make you think you are the clever one. If that is clever, then it's too clever for me.

Lucky Kunene don turn philosopher. What a chaa! Haha.

Lucky: Just tell me this, why did you come here? I mean, to South Africa.
Tony: It's fine to hate us
While you sit there on your asses, waiting for your entitlement from Mandela
If you think he's going to come and part the Dead Sea
and lead you to your promised land, you are wrong, brother.

Lucky: So, you fucked up your own country, now you want to fuck up this place too
Tony: I don't want to fuck anything
I sell drugs, that is business
They call us pushers, but I don't push, it flies off the shelves

Read that again - I don't push, it flies off the shelves. Buriful!

Lucky: You're late.
Nazareth: Traffic. It won't happen again.

Wait, what won't happen again? Your being late or the traffic? Traffic is a killer in African cities. I don't miss that.

Zakes: They say it's a betrayal.
Lucky: Why should we embarrassed about being rich? Those days are over. Just because I'm a darkie, doesn't mean I have to live in the slums. I'll live as I choose to live and 'f' who I want to 'f'.

See how brotherman in eye open as he start dey chop white woman? Trouble.

Lucky: Forget about the girls and focus. Nazareth: Relax man, I am focused.
Okay. Wait, focused on what? The job or the girls?

This is what I call redistribution, via back door.
Remember back-door aka protocol admission? Most back-door processes are illegal.

Do you know how much money we can make? Millions, cash
Of course, it was the Nigerian talking here. And he's Igbo. If you don't know anything about Igbos, understand this. They love cash. They make it rain.

Guy: I mean, how many people die of chocolate?
Lady: Well I don't know, sounds like a good idea.
Guy: Oh, be serious, how many people die of lung cancer and enphezema?

Wɔntɛllɛ wo anaa dɛ wɔnblow wo? If something cool could send you to the grave, why not chocolate?

They say behind every fortune is a crime
The greater the fortune, the greater the crime
But I don't know about that
It seems the only people who say that probably never made one
What's important in life is to set goals and go after them
After every new revolution comes a new order, but before that comes opportunity
Adapt or die.

That is how the movie signs off. Like that. Marvelous.
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