Thursday, September 11, 2008

My experience with Nigerian films (story)

Last night, I was browsing through the few Presec magazines (called Odadee) I had looking for some articles or stories about Presec's beloved Mrs. Akyeampong. I have in my possession, the 1999 yearbook, and the 1999, 2000, and 2004 Odadees. These are part of my prized possessions, I doubt I will ever 'recycle' them. I even add them to my luggage sometimes when I am traveling even though I never ever read them on, during, or after the trips. As a member of the editorial board and the work that goes through to deliver an edition of the Odadee magazine, I cherish these publications like Michael Jordan cherishes championship rings.

I found too many interesting, hilarious, and great literary pieces that I want to share. The first in this series is one called 'My experience with Nigerian films'. It is credited to one 2001 graduate of Presec. Basically, the writer uses 'chao' (plenty) Nigerian movie titles to write a story. All of these movies came out before the end of 2001. With the simplistic titles coming out of Nollywood, it was almost a very easy task. Here it is. The movie titles are in bold. if you remember half of these movies, count yourself a huge Nollywood fan.

Yesterday is gone. Today is yet another day. I have decided to hold on to my cross after this true confession I intend to make.

It is all a flashback of my worldly life. It all started when Benita convinced me to join the Glamour Girls and we started dating the Glamour Boys. After school hours, we spent the night in a hotel till day break. Onome, my own flesh and blood, did all she could to stop me from joining the squad but I rejected.

Later, Bora, one of the boys, made a deadly proposal to me. I fell into this spell and soon we were engaged in deadly passion. I could not compromise with the Agege spirit on the oath. I swore to this Oracle never to fall in love. It was a betrayal on my part but it was too late to end the deadly affair since it had already made me a pregnant virgin.

culled from

All the blood money given to the capturers to seek help from Samadora to destroy the pregnancy was in vain. It caused a heartache and I felt so light as a dry leaf. I couldn't just imagine my life being used to pay back the witches. There was confusion in my life. The loads of scandals doubled anytime I set my eyes on Saikobi.

One silent night, I had a terrible nightmare. My mum, Mama Sunday, could not believe my dream and accused me of being a strange woman. I felt abused.

One night when it was full moon, I made a narrow escape with Karishika into the garden of Eden. The gardener looked so pleased to receive us. He was our only hope then.

The death of Bora was the end of the wicked and I gave myself to Christ and contemplated on the question: Will Jesus come?

As a strong believer now, all this is a closed chapter never to be opened again.

Kai, who remembers watching Karishika? That movie was something. Of course, Nollywood hasn't changed much, they have similar movie titles and have started making Nollywood versions of popular Hollywood and Bollywood movies. The Ghanaian movie industry has also followed suit. I'll find some time to write another story using movies that are more recent and have equally 'easy to pronounce, easy to remember, easy to ridicule' titles. Till the next experience with Naija films is written, enjoy this one.
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